The Mousy Nerd

I.   we first met in a cavern
     where i used to go to
     i was way too young then
     and so were you.

II.   you were like a cherub
      so naif, so fragile
      so round were your sable eyes
      so soft were your umber fur.

III.   when i think of you
      i think of my puppy love
      and then i smile, a simper
      because you were our child.

IV.   and yes, a child indeed
       i mothered you at ten
       lullabied you to sleep
       and granny broomed your poo.

V.    but you never liked bathing
       nor did you like water
       and it didn’t even bother you
       whether you stink or smell.

VII.   you used to come after me
        to school, to church, to Ilawod
        i had to shoo you often
        i didn’t want a stinkin’ fella ‘round.

VIII.  you had your share of
        ups and downs, my poor boy
        an aquaphobic that you were
        parasitic mites feasted on you.
      
IX.    then people mistook you
        for a maniac running amok
        you let one last howl loose
        after a rat-a-tat-tat and some other.

X.    i bawled in anguish, Starkey
       i mewled just like those times
       when you missed your way home
       and got lost in the corduroy.

 

Just as everything

Seemed like a moment

Of power, beauty, and bliss,

I pictured a woman

In her early forties;

 

A woman so full

Of dreams and hopes

A woman,

Not just a plain woman

But an extraordinary one;

 

At that particular time

When the world

Was aged 1987

She carried within her womb

The 6^th fruit;

 

Came November.

And God really hated November.

I may not know why

But God was in His full hatred.

He looked at the world

And from afar,

He saw the woman;

 

And His anger struck her

Like a thunderbolt.

Along with the thunderbolt was

A curse;

 

Then a soft cry filled the air.

Not from the woman

As she was still at the very moment,

But from a tiny creature

That sprung out from her,

A baby;

 

Now I remember the time

And the baby, too

But not the woman anymore,

I remember the 14^th of November

God made a curse

And the curse was…

 

ME.

 

Roams around the corner

Sits on an empty seat

Eats on her own

Alone

 

Walks with her shadow

Holds her own hand

No ringing from the phone

Alone

 

Smiles at her thoughts

Laughs at her own jokes

Sings her song

Alone

 

Sleeps in a cold bed

Dreams through her own tale

Stares blankly at the moon

Alone

 

There stands a sinner

Of smoky lies, a thousand of it

Of a forbidden fruit

Adam’s son offered to her

 

There stands a sinner

Of stolen wealth from the gold vault

A stolen heart

From the boy she dearly loves so

 

There stands a sinner

Of ignorance and innocence

A virgin of pride

Deflowered by fear

 

There stands a sinner

Nailed to indecency

Robed in a serpent’s skin

Her crown made of acanthus

 

There stands a sinner

As she stares up at the sky

No more can she see the horizon

Nor a place for her in heaven

 

She was once a singer of happy tunes

In a crowded place

Of people cheering

Admiring

Fantasizing

 

She was once an actress in limelight

Over thousands of audiences

Applauding

Cheering

Believing

 

She was once a dancer

Under the blue moon

With beauty

Grace, and

Charm

 

She was once on a pedestal

Over high mountains

Shining

Rising

Emerging

 

But that was then…

 

For now she’s nothing

But a history

Forgotten

Kept

Buried

Fading

Alone and

Crying

 

I burn pearls in lover’s flame

And smoke of sweet promises arise

He is my knight and I his heroine

Together we battle with pride.

 

The blades of our swords pierce

Poison from bougainvillea drips

We ride the white curves of unicorn

And trail earth, sky, and heaven.

 

Sweet melody from the 8^th note

I sing as he listens

Now we’re burning pearls again

Burning it in lover’s flame.

 

Color of darkness

Water that’s shallow

Broken glass

Dried leaf from below

Empty.

 

I was in love,

He also was.

I loved him,

He loved me not.

I waited,

He came by.

I ran from him,

He ran after me.

I hid,

He sought.

I was confused,

He was crystal clear.

I was mute,

He spoke of love.

I stayed speechless,

He waited for a reply.

I never spoke,

He got tired of waiting.

I have now the words,

He is gone.

I am looking for him,

He’s nowhere in sight.

I love him,

He loved me.

 

 

Home is

The wooden bed

I used to lie down

At night when I sleep

Until the morning comes

 

Home is

The guava tree

I used to climb up at

And in the soft breeze

On its trunk I sat

 

Home is

The Ilihan Cave

Where fairy tales had been told

Where mermaids had lived

Even at a hundred old

 

Home is

Pop’s Caningag

Where virgin forests’ a treasure

Where he spent his being lad

Where he met Laura, su amor

 

Home is

The Campo Santo

Where my loved ones rest

Where happy souls pass to and fro

And in heaven they are blessed

 

Home is

Winelyn and friends

For the laughter we had made

For the tears we had shed

All for friendship’s sake

 

Home is

The little girl in me

And the rest of my childhood

Though life there may seem like crazy

Still, home to me is

 

BAGAMANOC

 

I, the lady, finally spoke

From the courage I earned for long

Alas, I found myself talk

And wove those words into song.

 

I was caught in a rattling voice

When I, the lady, told him so

I swear I lost a gallon of poise

As I pronounced to him “I love you.”

 

So he fell right down at my feet

And begged the lady for a kiss

But, oh, the kiss tasted like absinthe

How its passion could I have missed.

 

I, the lady, surrender with guilt

That what I told him might not be real

I apologize for being naïve

But this time; I, the lady, must not tell.